I'm speechless-

for the past few weeks I have been attempting to configure a blog in my head summing up our travels, our marriage and of course all the changes that come from that. However I have been at a lost, what do I say? How can I sufficiently describe this journey in a way that not only is fun and exciting for you but in a way that I can someday look back on this blog and remember all those magical times Joey and I would look at eachother in such a way that he would always say, " this is a moment I will hold on to forever." Makes me think of the future when we are so old that most of our days are consumed with Ice tea and summer sits on the porch swing.

So here it begins the attempt to express my adiration and appreciation for this gift of travel that God so graciously handed us on a platter.

Last night we were invited to a BBQ, which by Spanish standards does not really exist but it was so blissful, sat on the top floor of a beautiful apartment, no penthouse yes this place was so beautiful had couches outside sitting on top of the world of Madrid. Our travels there seemed to erk some certain memories out of us that I have so tried to push away. The day we first got here..exausted from traveling over 24 hours now we had to get on to the renfe and travel about another hour with all of our luggage and attitudes. As we were rushing off the renfe, on the wrong stop mind you I get up from my chair and as it goes to fold back up to its upright position I fall down with the jolt of the train and the weight of my luggage. I just sat there and looked up at Joey so defeated, my eyes swelled, I was done. We got off the train and through my tears of anger and laughter of feeling like a crazy person I pulled it together, and thought to myself, man does Joey have it in for him.

I have never traveled this far in my life, I was newly married and had no way to immidiately phone a friend or ask the audience..I was stuck. Stuck in a beautiful world FULL of opportunities but I was so scared, I can't tell you how many times I asked myself, "what the hell are you doing here Heather, how..how did you get here?" Oh wait I was the one who begged Joey to take me far far away! AHHH! 

I remember walking to my small teaching position one day and just getting smacked in the head with these words/ feelings "one day you will be waking up at 1..3..5 in the morning with a hungry baby and you will look back on this time and be regretful you spent it stressed out." At that moment it changed, I changed. I began to sleep in, relax, take the opportunity to work out for hours if I wanted, learn to love the sound of silence, draw, find peace in mopping and dirty bath tubs. I began to love this life, fully I might add. No more worrying about not having a full time job, building clientel, how Joey and I's marriage will turn out or most of all questioning if this was the right decision. The only thing I had control over was this moment, and how I react to it. 

I read this in one of Erica Hendersons blogs, "Life unfolds quickly, it is only the moments that you want to see the future that you feel stuck. So here we are, days older, in the future, settled."

And it settled perfectly, months later as we are preparing for our departure looking back on the beginning of this journey.

It's amazing to me the the main thing in this life that makes people crazy is the lack of control they have on it, however its in the letting go that we find peace and comfort in the unknown. Changes are good for the soul. They allow for growth and wisdom to enter, the hardest challenges can turn into the greatest lessons. 

I am so excited to go home and see our families, our friends and all of Joeys friends babies:) We talk about everyone so often and it is so bizarre to us that we have been absent from the "American dream" for so long now. We have become so accustomed to this life here. So used to small brightly painted streets, cobblestone, storks soaring the skies, mass quantities of PDA, huge blooming roses in the center, our favorite yogurt place, the fact our gym in 30 seconds away from our apartment, and lets not forget one of Spain's biggest trade marks..their tapas! So cheap and so delicious, sit down at anytime during the day for a drink and food for 2.50 with no stress from the waiter or waitress to get up so someone else can occupy our comfy place in the sun. We love it, there is just not much more that I can say other than this experience has changed our lives, we have grown so close and pulled so far at times. We have juggled the newly wed wounds without the comforts of home, and we have survived. Although we know that marriage is a life time full of "sticking it out" and loving the other more than yourself which will a lot of the time be hard, we know we can handle it. We have found our best friends in one another, and that will never be taken away.

I think the best growth for me was in a bible study that I was apart of for 3 months, these women will forever be with me as well as the lessons that have changed me. We went through James, 2 Peter and Ruth. And let me tell you that those 3 books are packed full of great lessons. I remember especially in James, because it was the first one and through the first few months we were here I was going though some serious battles... I learned to be slow to speak and always listen above speaking. Never back bit and always love for that is what we are essentially called to in a nut shell. I remember Joey and I were in a tiff of some sort and I said, "you are lucky I am learning and practicing to hold my tongue most of the time." Nonetheless deflating the fact that I was actually practicing this skill, but it brought smiles to our faces.

In conclusion a moment we will never forget is sitting on our porch sharing some wine and dinner as we speak about how blessed we are. That life is truly a beautiful thing if we allow our eyes to see it. God is always there and through all our failed decisions in the end we are right where we always wanted to be. Truly satisfied with life and excited for the future:) And as little Joshy says, " and a bang bang bang." 

God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing.

C. S. Lewis

Salud! See everyone so soon:)