1. Apologies for this scramble of a blog but here it goes, day 2 of just juice.
I am tired, irritable, slightly cloudy in the head and my stomach will not stop speaking loudly.
Other than that life is just dandy ha. I am struggling if you couldn't tell by my negative attitude, and as I type this my head is slightly tilted, I have no expression on my face except for my jaw slightly ajar.
We are on our second drink today and as far as I know the second is always the toughest for me, possibly because around this time I am usually cooking Joey a meal that is smelling the house up with onions and an assortment of delicious veggies and Sriracha. Today I think I am more on edge than yesterday even though I almost starting crying in our workout class last night. As much as I want to delete some of these statements because they make me look like a sissy and oh wait this whole thing was my idea...go figure. I am trying to be cool about this whole experience but I don't think I am fooling anyone.
Despite all of what I have just said I am still excited about this journey and I am refusing to quit for these 10 days. I have heard that the first 3 days are the hardest, and they are, but I am really hoping it gets better from here.
Funny thing about today is that its Valentines day and even though we just celebrated over an awesome weekend I want to throw a mild tantrum because I want to be able to eat chocolate. This is just ridiculous, how much food controls my emotions. Me just saying this wants to push harder just to get rid of it. So much of our life is based around food and even though, don't get me wrong I absolutely love it. At times the desire to have something food related and not getting to fulfill that craving can alter a good moment to a bad??
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Saturday, February 11, 2012
My love
My love.
Written by me, to God about the love of my life.
Dear Father,
I lay by Joey last night and felt overwhelmed with love. I fall more and more in love with him everyday. The way he looks, smells, talks, loves, and most of all the way he makes me feel. I never new this kind of love was alive. I never new that the feelings of ecstasy and strength that I feel from you could ever be attained with man.
Being in Spain no one understands why on earth I would get married so young and every time someone asks, I get this smile on my face that just says, "well.. I wouldn't change it for the world." This man is my strength my comforter my stability and the push behind the desire to get to know you more and more everyday. Yesterday I was so full of your love, your touch was so tangible on my life I felt perfectly satisfied in ever moment.
I have fallen so in love with his skin his beautiful glowing face, his smile that lights up the room and crinkles his enchanting carmel toned eyes. He is strong like King David built with statue. His voice deep and his soul deeper. When he speaks about you I think of CS Lewis the way everything is so logical and perfectly sound. His tenacity for life and goals is uncanning the way he looks at me always makes me feel like I am his gift. This is where I find your spirit so alive Lord, you have created us to desire this sort of love, the kind that makes you feel like a gift. So many people including myself have yearned for this love, but you are its perfect form. Full of grace, peace and comfort there to fight for us day and night if we ask, never failing or forgetting.
This life that you have blessed me with is beyond what I EVER could have dreamed, it gives me goose bumps as I think about it. My journey with you has never once made me think "bad decision," and for that thank you. Thank you for who you are, thank you for blessing with this oppurtunity to in Spain. Thank you for all of the people that I have met and most of all thank you for loving and providing a man as great as Joseph Dean Jackson a man of wisdom, truth, power and strength.
I will forever cherish and respect you Joey. With love, grace and passion I will promise to continue my journey with you Lord in order to keep myself humble and in check to be the woman of God and wife that I desire. Through you all things are possible. Through you I will find my joy and light everyday. Through you I will love him forever and ever amen.
And a bang bang bang.
This letter is for you my sweet. One year ago today you proposed and I said yes. I wouldn't change one second of our journey together. I love you so much.
Written by me, to God about the love of my life.
Dear Father,
I lay by Joey last night and felt overwhelmed with love. I fall more and more in love with him everyday. The way he looks, smells, talks, loves, and most of all the way he makes me feel. I never new this kind of love was alive. I never new that the feelings of ecstasy and strength that I feel from you could ever be attained with man.
Being in Spain no one understands why on earth I would get married so young and every time someone asks, I get this smile on my face that just says, "well.. I wouldn't change it for the world." This man is my strength my comforter my stability and the push behind the desire to get to know you more and more everyday. Yesterday I was so full of your love, your touch was so tangible on my life I felt perfectly satisfied in ever moment.
I have fallen so in love with his skin his beautiful glowing face, his smile that lights up the room and crinkles his enchanting carmel toned eyes. He is strong like King David built with statue. His voice deep and his soul deeper. When he speaks about you I think of CS Lewis the way everything is so logical and perfectly sound. His tenacity for life and goals is uncanning the way he looks at me always makes me feel like I am his gift. This is where I find your spirit so alive Lord, you have created us to desire this sort of love, the kind that makes you feel like a gift. So many people including myself have yearned for this love, but you are its perfect form. Full of grace, peace and comfort there to fight for us day and night if we ask, never failing or forgetting.
This life that you have blessed me with is beyond what I EVER could have dreamed, it gives me goose bumps as I think about it. My journey with you has never once made me think "bad decision," and for that thank you. Thank you for who you are, thank you for blessing with this oppurtunity to in Spain. Thank you for all of the people that I have met and most of all thank you for loving and providing a man as great as Joseph Dean Jackson a man of wisdom, truth, power and strength.
I will forever cherish and respect you Joey. With love, grace and passion I will promise to continue my journey with you Lord in order to keep myself humble and in check to be the woman of God and wife that I desire. Through you all things are possible. Through you I will find my joy and light everyday. Through you I will love him forever and ever amen.
And a bang bang bang.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Who are you wanting to be?
I find myself thinking a lot about the lessons I have learned throughout the years. Never compare, always be patient, always persevere, be slow to speak and most of all always be thankful. Despite how much I have learned I so often forget all the teachings. Here most of all I hear myself say, "I can't wait for..I wish I had..oh man wouldn't it be nice if we.." blah blah blah, these statements get me no where and I am sure they make Joey feel like a schmuck. Joey said the other day on a walk, "maybe you say them because you are so aware, especially now, of how life can change on you so it may be hard to live perfectly in the moment." I always thought I was so great with change, and I loved that about myself..but this statement clearly means that I am quite the opposite of that and that change scares the bageebers out of me. Which olds true to the history of humans, no? WHY?
It is amazing how well you think, or at least I thought I knew myself and then your life shifts and you realize that there are so many things about yourself that you had no idea about. Its a daunting feeling to be 23 almost 24 and married living across seas and wonder, who am I, who do I want to be? While this is a little scary this is also one of the greatest places to be.
As I am breaching 24 years of age within the next 24 hrs, I am fully aware of my life story thus far and I am feeling more beautiful and thankful everyday. Everyday being reminded of the life lessons that are so easily forgotten but so essential not to forget. While 23 was a great year, I mean it was stupendous! So many amazing changes and challenges that I feel are really shaping the women I want to become. I want 24 to be even better, I want 24 to be about setting goals and pursuing dreams. I want to work on all the things that I don't want my children to deal with, like comparing or being slow to speak, I want my kids to see me as a confident women of God that does not waver and to be able to see beauty in everything.
Not comparing is one of the first lessons I learned from Lydia Thomas (amazing woman) and yet I still struggle so so much with it. But I think that is kind of the way life works, the most important life lessons are always the ones that are grown all throughout ones life. They are not simple quotes or common sense, they are meant to challenge you..
It is amazing how well you think, or at least I thought I knew myself and then your life shifts and you realize that there are so many things about yourself that you had no idea about. Its a daunting feeling to be 23 almost 24 and married living across seas and wonder, who am I, who do I want to be? While this is a little scary this is also one of the greatest places to be.
As I am breaching 24 years of age within the next 24 hrs, I am fully aware of my life story thus far and I am feeling more beautiful and thankful everyday. Everyday being reminded of the life lessons that are so easily forgotten but so essential not to forget. While 23 was a great year, I mean it was stupendous! So many amazing changes and challenges that I feel are really shaping the women I want to become. I want 24 to be even better, I want 24 to be about setting goals and pursuing dreams. I want to work on all the things that I don't want my children to deal with, like comparing or being slow to speak, I want my kids to see me as a confident women of God that does not waver and to be able to see beauty in everything.
Not comparing is one of the first lessons I learned from Lydia Thomas (amazing woman) and yet I still struggle so so much with it. But I think that is kind of the way life works, the most important life lessons are always the ones that are grown all throughout ones life. They are not simple quotes or common sense, they are meant to challenge you..
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