Your reality

The main streaming thought in my head for the past..lets say 2 years has been,  If we can truly understand what it means to be fully in love with God, how vastly different would we live our lives. Now you have to understand I am a relatively new Christian so all of my so called brilliant and profound thoughts may be pure simplicity, you know Christianity at a very fundamental basis. Nonetheless I find it inspiring so I must share with you.
Church the last 2 weeks has been on the, "the reality of God." What would life be like if we went through life believing that if we were anxious and and believed God at His word then we would literally..LITERALLY people not figuratively get peace that surpasses all understanding. Think about the last time, me included, that you were stressed out about something not working out how you thought it would, and through giving up control you were absolutely relinquished from anymore anxiety and shame. Or that time when you wish you could figure out why your favorite person is upset that you treated them unfairly, or why on earth the God of so called love allows babies in Africa to die? It says in James if we are lacking wisdom simply ask because God gives it generously. 
I sat in church today wondering if I have had this thought going in and out of my thoughts for the past 2 years for this very moment. Like God has been speaking to me for years and everything that I journal quite frequently about and think about every time I hear someones broken heart pour out, for this very moment when one of my favorite pastors speaks my mind.
You know what the hardest part is? I have all of the tools, I know how this works. I have been in a place in my life merely a year and a half ago where the bible was my only relationship. Anytime I had a bad day or a thought that I could not get out of my head, I read the bible..I prayed for freedom from it and you know what the kicker is? IT WORKED!! And here I am not using my tools properly not utilizing the gifts that I was given..I am not listening. Yet I find myself wondering why oh why do I still have fears, anxieties, harbored bitterness, issues in general that can be debilitating. It feels like having cancer and knowing the things I need to be doing to reverse the disease and I am still sitting on the bench outside of the hospital not knowing if I should take the plunge. Doesn't the term insanity mean trying the same thing over and over again expecting a different result?
I know there are so many people like me and that no one knows what it is to live in the actual reality of God because that is heaven not earth. But if we could get even a small idea of what it is and hold on to it our lives would be changed. The bible is conversation with God and man that was around God, we need it. It holds all of the tools we need to be peaceful, joyful, forgiving and gracious. I can guarantee that if anyone were to read Phil. 4:9-14 they would feel peace. There is promise and truths in the bible that surpass all knowledge that comes from the world. We are created to be better than this! If we would just realize that we were created by a God who knows the amount of hairs on our head, that loves us unconditionally and gave us free will as the greatest gift one can be given, the gift to choose how to live and what are we doing with it?

On a light note, I wore heals for the first time this weekend on these cobble stone streets and I didn't fall:)
Besos to all!

Our day

Seeing how I only work Monday and Wednesday for a mere 2 hours, I have tons and tons of free time. Which as I have said before was hard to get used to but man oh man am I enjoying myself now:) Today I woke up around 9 with my wonderful husband next to me cleaned up the house and went to Pilates at 11, came home lounged and watched Julie and Julia (cute movie) and made Joe some lunch out of the food I bought from the market on Monday then off to cycling at 215.  In which my favorite teacher was teaching! He is about 40 to 45 I would say and FULL of energy. He puts the music so loud that you can't hear your thoughts, which in most cases is a bad thing but when working out I think it is generally welcomed. In the midst of all this music he points you out and stands on his bike yelling "Fuerte Fuerte!" (strong strong!)
I love that working out has become most of my so called schedule, if you will. Every night before I go to bed I look at the next day workout plan and at least try to get both pilates and cycling in some days hoping to fit in some lifting. I used to always make up excuses why I didn't need to work out a certain day or I just can't seem to fit it in, but coming here gives me absolutely no excuse and it is quite nice. Plus it helps me to learn a little more Spanish since all the classes are indeed in spanish. Actually one of the first times I went to cycling the night teacher was not so pleased that I didn't know spanish but he bared with me. To tell you the truth I would think the worst too, this girl has no idea what I am talking about and she wants to take my class?? Thank God I have done some form of athletic class most of my life, so at the very least I am a great observer.
Currently I have just put my book ( The Son of Hamas) down that I am absolutely in love with, cuddled up on the couch with our comforter while my Mr. Jackson makes me dinner. Tonight he is made Chorizo Spaghetti and beer bread, he is getting pretty good at that bread thanks to his mother:) And now he is beckoning me in for the feast, so I must be gone. Being married to this man is the high light of my days.
God bless you all, and I miss you




"Every verse seemed to touch a deep wound in my life. It was a very simple message, but somehow it had the power to heal my soul and hive me hope." This is how the son of a major terrorist in Isreal felt when at 22 he read the word of God, from "Son of Hamas" and amazing book i would suggest to anyone.

Getting cozy

 First things first, my blogging is by no means structured my thoughts are always all over the place and punctuation is not my strong suit. :) EnJoY..

There has been quite the competition for bloggers lately in the Jackson clan, and since I am a new member I must admit there is some inner pressure to join. I mean I can't be left behind here, plus we just moved to Espana and it would not be nice to with hold all the adventures and lessons I am learning over here.

So here it goes..we got here almost 2 months ago and Joey and I just had our 2 month anniversary yesterday. Yes yes I know, you must be thinking that we are insane, and well the answer to that is..we indeed are out of our mind. In any case if you don't know me well, I have always liked to think of myself as a "fly by the seat of my pants kind of girl." Always ready for an adventure, whether it be meeting new people, getting a new job, basically doing whatever whenever. Here is the kicker I was rudely awakened when we got married and 2 weeks later picked up our ENTIRE lives and moved to Spain. Leaving behind everyone we love and all the comfortable surrounding we grew up with..oh not to mention our language. I not only broke down the first day, but continued to break down, I don't know maybe 2-3 times a week. I felt like I was falling deeper and deeper into this hole in my mind and nothing was helping! HA I hope all of you are thinking "poor Joey," because that man put up with a lot!!

My oh so loving husband thinks he is taking an adventurous, excited, scared of nothing wife to a place that I had seemingly been thrilled to go to. Turns out there was only a scared anxious wife to be found. Unaware of how out of my element I would be I had so many fears, ranging from, was this the right choice for us to you would be so much happier with someone else. Yes folks in my derranged mind I thought that MY HUSBAND would be better off in Spain with another woman!!! I can't even explain to you the looks of despair and "really?" i got from him on that one. It is truly amazing how anxiety can manifest itself in ways that you would never imagine. Here we are in a a beautiful, authentic, romantic place and I can't help myself from destroying it. And not only for me but when you get married you become one in everything so my toxic distress was inevitably pouring over and breaking his heart little by little. Even though he would never tell me that, he is always so so strong never once being less then the perfect shoulder to lean on.

OK BREATHE..there is good in this, even though it has taken me longer than I ever would have thought to get comfortable I am falling into my own skin here. I have found out more about myself in the last 2 months then I ever have in my life. This challenge is one of those that is worth it for the rest of your life. And the funny thing is that I the main problem I was having that was causing all the crazy was that I had so much free time. If you were around me a lot especially in the last year or so of my life, I was always busy with something, coffee or dinner dates working going to some function. Constantly distracting myself from me. I think that a lot of people do this and when you find time for yourself you don't know what the crap to do, it gets boring or absolutely frustrating. Finding what God put in you is so key in life, they are things that can never be taken from you. So many times back home I would catch myself loving something because one of my favorite people loved that thing it could be food or a movie whatever it was it wasn't always something that I really loved for me. But here in this place I am finding myself completely. I have a teaching job with 6 year olds that I love, I have the time to do pilates and cycling almost everyday of the week, I watch shows, I can go to daytime bible studies and sit out on my balcony for hours just listening to music and writing. This place is where I am supposed to be right now and I am so beyond blessed to have and incredible man in my life to share it with. I can't wait to tell you all more about getting used to this place it really is interesting when you barely know what people are talking about ever:)

Love you all and I hope you found this honest and hopeful.

Never lose who you were created to be.